Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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