Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
