Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
