Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
