My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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