I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
