Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
