I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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