Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
