I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Less talking, more tequila
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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