My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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