Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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