She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize