I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
