I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
