My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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