Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
