I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
