oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pants are for mortals
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
