So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
