hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
