she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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