literally had 100 drinks last night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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