is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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