remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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