New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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