I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
