Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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