How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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