The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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