nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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