Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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