she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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