he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
