he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Couch. On fire.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
