You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
