Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
