i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
