Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
