i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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