I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
