no, he came in my armpit
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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