no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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