Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
