The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
