i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
