He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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