He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
