I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
