I didn't shave. On purpose
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
