When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
