I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
