I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
