I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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