he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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