i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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