I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
