screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
