I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
