Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
