Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
