I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
