you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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