i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
