real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
