Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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