If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
