I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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