Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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