you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
