you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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