You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
