Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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