Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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