u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
