1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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