Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
