I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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