as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
