i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
