He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
